Rhythm breaks into stride
fingers find a voice upon the wire held tight by a fretted frame.
My mind escapes
finding it's breath
as notes and time bounce around the room
a smile is found.
The beat moves
past thoughts and into unbounded delight
melodies unfurl.
My finger move without thought
falling into well worn patterns
melting into the groves on the rosewood.
I am in my happy place.
2012
I can feel it
unwinding
all the fears
the tears
the....
I've been through all this before
I know what to expect
I know it will pass
But the stirring
is so strong
so pervasive
an irritation
you just can't
but
help
scratch.
I close my eyes
and
breath
just
breath
into and out
of it
I know what to expect
I've been through all of this before
I know too
that
this itch
will
pass.
2012
I want to take my head apart
Unlearn all those worthless thoughts
The ones that keep me awake at night
How they invade
Find the elusive trigger and blow it away
Chatter splatters and none of it matters
yes I want to take my head apart
I want to discard all the crap
Leave the parental pitfalls shattered and unable to call
I want to take my head apart and see what's left inside.
Morning light catches the dew drops
A glint of gold amongst the fog
The wires are a buzzin’
But no one answers the call.
I cup my hands and breathe of them
Condensation fills the space
There’s a chill in the air
And I’m such a long way from home.
The sun breaks through like a gospel choir
Is there a riddle in all of this?
I put on my coat and shake of the ridiculous.
My shoes feel frozen
My thoughts don’t move
Give me five to revive
Retrieve the moment then discard it.
The threads above move
The spider waits patiently to find another’s end
But its another day another hunger
Empty nets she has cast.
I feel like her you know
Web woved and held in place
Waiting for the feast
So scared of tomorrow
And tired of today
I poke at the dying fire
tiny embers flick and fade
I need to move past this refrain
I say goodbye to my friend and wish her luck
There’s really nothing else to say.
2010
She no longer reacts to me
This little dog has always been a fighter
but her mind and body is no longer here
she has become toxic to herself
there is nothing else to try
the battle will soon be over
This is by the far the hardest thing I've had to do in such a long time.
So here we are at the end
together just like we've always been
and I'm trying not to cry
logic tells me I have to be able to drive home.
The vets and nurses are all saying goodbye
it's an honour to her that they are so upset.
I am with her all the way as the end approaches
she doesn't flinch
and I watch her take her last breath
my throat swells and tightens and tears are forced down
as I swallow hard
Gently I pick her up and hold her close to me as I take her home one last time
© Julie Patterson 2009
