ok I'm sick of this
i've got 20mg of temaze in my system, and some somnicare both prescribed by my doctor to help me sleep
but I'm awake
it's an anxiety thing that has taken over whenever i am going away
even if it's a good hol, it's like i get anxiuos about the anxitey
look i can't even type probably.
i can feel all my muscles relaxced it's just the brain
and i don't know why it happens
and i don't what the trigger is
only that i worry about it happening whenever i plan a trip
so it does
it's a vicious circle.
I guess I'll leave early tomorrow and head up and find somewhere to sleep in the car until the place is ready at 2pm
use the adrenaline in my body to get me up there.
I'm going to try hynotherapy to deal with this.
I've treid mediation, counselling, medication. and it does nto work
so onto something else.
I may even get desperate enough to try anti anxiety meds jsut so i cna lick the pattern
i don't liek this feeling adn i dont like the htought of those sort of meds but i am so over this situation.
It's got contro, over need i need ot stop that.
this post is going ot be fullof speeling errors.cause my brain is tired and my muscles don't want ot work right beacsue of the temaze buti needot write this out andthen maybe it will help me sleep.
I don't think I'm worried about turning forty but i do have a hard time emotinally round my birthday. They were not always the best of times when i was growing up. and up until i meet Julanna i kind of ingnored them and wasa bit emotinally distant abotu them.
i like my birthday now, i look foward to it bu there is some of the old tension taht gets triggerd.
I really want to go to sleep.
Nighty nighty.
